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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27542035">Hold Me Forever</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/SadieandJack/pseuds/SadieandJack'>SadieandJack</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>CSI: Crime Scene Investigation</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 17:01:22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,184</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27542035</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/SadieandJack/pseuds/SadieandJack</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Sara is hurting from Nick's sudden death blaming herself and Grissom's comfort is not enough. She leaves him only to come back two years later seeing that he has moved on and is getting married. Will this be the end of the Grissom/Sara relationship, or will they forgive and begin again?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Gil Grissom/Sara Sidle</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Hold Me Forever</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Grissom rubbed my foot as I slept on the couch at our house after work. He watched the news taking some down time before going to bed. Part of him worried about me because I took Nicks recent death very bad. The dark circles under my eyes and my paleness worried him. He knew I blamed myself for the night that Nick died.</p><p>It was raining as Nick and I walked to the small gas station on the out skirts of town. While picking up some evidence a car drove up and shots rang out Nick pushed me out of the way when he was shot in the chest. I held him as the police and ambulance arrived. There was nothing to be done.</p><p>I moved on the couch as Grissom looked at me. Sitting up I breathed in and out fast feeling him move closer touching my cheek.</p><p>"Bad dream?"</p><p>"I need some water." I said, getting up walking to the kitchen. He got up walking over looking at me getting a drink. I set the glass down on the counter leaning over the counter closing my eyes as my arms held me up. Grissom walked over putting his hand on my back.</p><p>"What was this one about?"</p><p>"Same one."</p><p>He sighed rubbing my tense back.</p><p>"I feel like my whole world is falling apart." I said</p><p>"You need to stop obsessing." He said</p><p>"I can't stop."</p><p>He turned me to face him.</p><p>"Sara, this was not your fault."</p><p>I moved into his arms hugging him. He hugged me feeling a slight tremble going through my body.</p><p>The funeral day was upon us we all flew to Texas because Nick was being buried at the family crypt. Nicks family sat at the front crying softly as I stood across from in a black dress next to Grissom. The pastor stopped speaking nodding to Grissom to come and say a few words. He walked over standing next to the casket touching it before clearing his throat.</p><p>"This is a sad day for the Stokes family as well as my team. Nick was the best at what he did….and he will be missed." Grissom said his voice cracking. "I thought of him as a son at times watching him grow as a person every single day. He made us laugh and had an empathetic touch to those who needed help or a kind word."</p><p>I sniffed quickly walking past people. Grissom watched me leave then he looked around.</p><p>"Let him be remembered as fearless and loved."</p><p>Everyone nodded as he walked away trying to find me. I cried next to a tree by some cars as Grissom walked over pulling me to him. He kissed my head whispering to me.</p><p>"Excuse me."</p><p>Grissom let me go looking at Mrs. Stokes standing behind us. I wiped my eyes looking at her.</p><p>"Mr. Grissom, thank you for what you said. I know Nick loved you and your team."</p><p>"Thank you, I am truly sorry for your loss."</p><p>She nodded looking at me.</p><p>"Is this Sara?"</p><p>"Yes." Grissom said, rubbing my arm.</p><p>She came over to me taking my hand.</p><p>"You were with him when it happened?"</p><p>I nodded sniffing.</p><p>"Dear, I have heard you were having a terrible time with his death and I just wanted to say thank you for being with him. I always worried he would be alone if anything happened and I am so grateful that you comforted him."</p><p>Grissom looked at me as I looked at Mrs. Stokes.</p><p>"I really don't deserve your kind words, because….it should have been me not him. He….pushed me out of the way." I said, crying.</p><p>"No, no, you were meant to live."</p><p>I looked down as she pulled me against her. Nicks father walked over shaking Grissom's hand. Mrs. Stokes lifted my head holding it with her hands.</p><p>"Don't blame yourself for this."</p><p>I slowly nodded watching her smile a little before letting me go taking the hand of her husband walking away. I wiped my eyes watching them go then I looked at Grissom. He stepped closer kissing me then took my arm leading me to the car.</p><p>After that we flew back home. Grissom pulled me to him kissing my head in bed. I snuggled into his chest sighing.</p><p>"I'm hungry." He said</p><p>"What time is it?" I asked</p><p>"Almost eight."</p><p>"You should eat."</p><p>"Not without you." He said, against my head.</p><p>"I'm not hungry."</p><p>"You haven't eaten in twenty four hours."</p><p>I groaned moving away from him. He lifted his head touching my arm.</p><p>"Honey?"</p><p>I swatted his hand laying still. He touched me again and I hit him harder. Finally he got up leaving the room. I looked at the wall listening to him hum in the kitchen. He came back in carrying a plate with a hot omelet on it. He sat down on the bed waving it in front of me. I watched the plate go back and forth. Slowly sitting up I took it taking the fork he held out to me cutting into the food. I took a bite nodding.</p><p>"It's good."</p><p>"I added some feta cheese."</p><p>"Are you eating?"</p><p>"I will."</p><p>I ate another bite looking at him.</p><p>"Do you feel better?" He asked</p><p>"I feel numb."</p><p>"I was that way when Warrick died." He said</p><p>I put down the plate looking down.</p><p>"Sara, we need to look ahead."</p><p>"Nick was like a brother to me."</p><p>"I know." He said, rubbing my leg.</p><p>Going back to work the next night was hard seeing that Nick's locker next to mine had been cleaned out and his name was off the door next to mine. I sat down on the bench looking at his locker. Grissom walked with Catherine down the hallway talking about possible replacements.</p><p>"Gil, listen." Catherine said, stopping to listen.</p><p>Grissom listened hearing someone yelling.</p><p>"Sounds like Sara." She said</p><p>Grissom walked over to a hallway seeing me yelling at Ecklie who stood a few feet away.</p><p>"I am not doing it!" I yelled, as I paced.</p><p>"Sara, you will do it!" He said</p><p>I looked over seeing Grissom and Catherine standing looking in from the hallway. I quickly walked past Ecklie escaping.</p><p>Grissom looked at Ecklie who walked over sighing.</p><p>"Gil, you need to get her in line."</p><p>"Get her in line?" Grissom said</p><p>"Yes, I just told her she would have to take some time off because of the inquiry and she blew up at me. She is wound up."</p><p>"I will speak to her."</p><p>"Good." Ecklie said, leaving.</p><p>"Wow." Catherine said</p><p>I sat in the locker room as Grissom came in. He sat down beside me looking at Nicks locker as I was then he looked at me.</p><p>"I am not taking off." I said</p><p>"I am afraid you have to."</p><p>"No, I don't. Someone has to find the scumbag who shot Nick!" I said, standing.</p><p>"Sara, you are losing control. You know that is not your case."</p><p>I scoffed folding my hands over my chest.</p><p>"You're taking everyone else's side."</p><p>"No, I am on your side and theirs."</p><p>I shook my head walking past him.</p><p>"Leave me alone."</p><p>He pulled me back to him.</p><p>"Sara, you know what happens when one of our own is dead. You are taking this personally and I want you to stop!"</p><p>"I was there you weren't!"</p><p>"Ecklie asked you to take some time off and I think you should."</p><p>"Fine!" I said, leaving. He rubbed his head feeling a migraine beginning. At home I packed a bag sniffing wanting to get away from everyone including Grissom. The door closed and I hurried with the packing. He came in seeing me packing my suitcase.</p><p>"What are you doing?"</p><p>"I…can't be here."</p><p>He walked over pulling me to look at him.</p><p>"You can't leave!"</p><p>"Grissom…..I can't stay here! I hate it here!"</p><p>"You hate me?"</p><p>I looked at him.</p><p>"No, I don't hate you."</p><p>"Then why are you running away?"</p><p>I walked over sitting down on the bed looking down.</p><p>"Grissom, when I saw him drop it did something to me. I became vengeful and depressed. I began to hate it at work and just….hate everything around me. I need time to think."</p><p>"Can't you do that here?"</p><p>I shook my head. He knelt down in front of me making me look at him.</p><p>"If you have to go then just go."</p><p>I stared at him watching him stand leaving the room. I stood in the bedroom hours later looking at a sleeping Grissom. I wiped at tear from my cheek then I walked out holding my suitcase leaving quietly.</p><p>Grissom woke to the silence in the house. He knew I had gone as he sat looking at my empty closet.</p><p>Catherine popped in to his office a month later seeing the shell of the person he used to be sitting behind his desk looking to the side in thought as he held a paper in his hands.</p><p>"Grissom, you okay?" She asked</p><p>He blinked looking at her.</p><p>"Fine, what do you need?" He said, putting the paper down on the desk.</p><p>"Nothing, I just wanted to see how you were doing." She said, as she sat in a chair in front of his desk. He sat back rubbing his head before looking at her.</p><p>"It's been a month and there is just….nothing. She won't answer the phone so that of course worries me. I have no idea where she is."</p><p>"She needs time."</p><p>"We are married, Catherine. I don't think she is thinking straight."</p><p>Catherine sighed watching her friend suffer.</p><p>Nine months went by without a word and Grissom tried to move on the best he could. Inside he was in despair and the others could see it. Greg came into the break room holding a manila envelope under his arms. He saw Grissom getting coffee as he talked to Catherine.</p><p>"Hey Gris, Judy asked me to give this to you." Greg said, handing him the envelope. Grissom put his cup down opening it as Catherine walked over to Greg to give him privacy. They both looked over at him seeing the look of shock on his face.</p><p>"What's wrong Gil?" Catherine asked</p><p>He looked at her then at the papers.</p><p>"It's….a petition for a divorce."</p><p>"What?" Catherine and Greg shouted</p><p>"Excuse me." Grissom said, walking out quickly to go to his office.</p><p>"Wow!" Greg said</p><p>"I can't believe she would do that to him." Catherine said, walking out. She walked into his office seeing him sitting at his desk with the phone to his ear as he looked at the papers. She put her hand on his shoulder as he sighed laying the phone down onto the desk beside the papers.</p><p>"Why would she do this?" He asked</p><p>"I'm sorry." She said, rubbing his tense shoulder.</p><p>He rubbed his head looking at the blurry words on the paper. At home Grissom signed the paper then he placed it into the envelope leaving it on the kitchen counter before going to bed.</p><p>I stepped foot in the CSI building another year later feeling refreshed and ready to work after two years. Everyone looked at me strangely as I walked past. There were new faces with the old. I smiled seeing Catherine walking towards me with a serious expression on her face.</p><p>"Hey Cath." I said</p><p>"Come to my office." She said</p><p>I looked back seeing Grissom's office door open before walking the opposite direction to her new office. She allowed me inside then she shut the door loudly walking in behind her desk sitting down in a chair looking at me.</p><p>"You are working under me now." She said</p><p>"Where is….Grissom?"</p><p>"He is working with his team out in the field."</p><p>"Oh."</p><p>"You can start tomorrow night."</p><p>"Great." I said, standing. "How is he?"</p><p>"How do you think he is?"</p><p>I looked at her as she looked at me stone-faced.</p><p>Walking down the hallway I saw him walking to his office. Stopping I just stared at him wishing I could have turned the clocks back. He stood at his desk with his back to the door not seeing me walk in quietly. I watched him read something then he cleared his throat turning freezing as he saw me.</p><p>"Sara." He said</p><p>"Hey."</p><p>He watched me look around his office then at him.</p><p>"Um…so how are things?"</p><p>"What do you want me to say?"</p><p>"I don't know." I said</p><p>I jumped as a blonde woman walked in past me smiling at Grissom.</p><p>"Hi." She said</p><p>"Hello." I said</p><p>"Sara this is Sophia Curtis."</p><p>"Nice to meet you." I said, staring at her.</p><p>"You to." She said, before turning to Grissom. "Honey, I am going to be late home tonight."</p><p>"Oh, why?" He asked</p><p>"I have to go with Brass to a scene."</p><p>"Okay, I will cook something."</p><p>She kissed him nodding to me before leaving. Grissom looked at me as I looked at him again.</p><p>"She's pretty."</p><p>"Thank's." He said "She and I are getting married next month."</p><p>My mouth dropped to the floor as he said this. He watched me recover still in shock.</p><p>"Congratulations." I said "I….better go."</p><p>I raced out of there leaving him to look at the empty door. The next few weeks I saw nothing of him or his fiancé until one shift. Everyone was called in to help with a scene at a bombing at a bank. I was in the main room seeing body parts and blood all around. It was a very gruesome sight. Grissom walked over to his team talking to them then he walked around shining his flashlight around seeing me kneeling down looking at a victim's wallet. He pretended not to look at me as he walked by.</p><p>I set the wallet down seeing something by a hand I reached over feeling some glass slice my wrist. I yanked my hand back clutching my wrist feeling the blood oozed between my hand.</p><p>I stood winching seeing Catherine walking past.</p><p>"Catherine, I need to go to the hospital!" I said, making her walk over looking at my bloody wound. She took off her coat wrapping it around my wrist leading me outside. Grissom turned seeing us walking down the stairs to her car. He walked over seeing her putting me inside then she ran around unlocking her side.</p><p>"Cath, what is going on?"</p><p>"Sara sliced her wrist!"</p><p>He looked at me sitting back in pain as Catherine started her car. By the time we reached the hospital I had lost a lot of blood. They stitched me up and the Catherine took me home. She had to help me to my door then to the couch in my living room.</p><p>"Thank's" I said, lying down.</p><p>"Will you be all right?"</p><p>"Mmmhmm." I said, closing my eyes.</p><p>She watched me before leaving. She came out shutting the door hearing the elevator ding. Grissom appeared looking at the door numbers when he saw Catherine.</p><p>"Is she all right?" He asked</p><p>"I think so. Why are you here?"</p><p>"I was concerned." He said</p><p>"Gil, you are opening a can of worms." She said</p><p>"She was my wife, no matter what happened I still…care about her."</p><p>"Do me a favor." She said, touching his arm. "Walk away and don't look back."</p><p>He watched her walk past pushing the elevator button as she looked at him then going in. He looked over at my front door. The next day I walked into the hallway from the garage where evidence was being stored. Grissom and I bumped into each other.</p><p>"Sorry." He said</p><p>"That's okay." I said</p><p>He looked down at the white bandage wrapped around my wrist.</p><p>"Does that hurt?"</p><p>I shook my head. He lifted my arm up looking at the bandage. I looked at him as he looked at me.</p><p>"If…it does tell Catherine."</p><p>"I will."</p><p>I walked past him slowly going down the hallway glancing back at him. He walked in the garage resisting the urge to look back at me.</p><p>Sophia stood behind him in his office rubbing his shoulders as he looked down closing his eyes.</p><p>"Your very tense." She said</p><p>"I know." He said</p><p>She kissed his head rubbing harder hearing him groan.</p><p>"I think we should talk about what kind of reception we want." She said</p><p>"Do we have to now?"</p><p>"No, but soon." She said, smiling. "Unless you're tired of me already."</p><p>He lifted his head up looking at her. He pulled her down to kiss him. She moved back looking at him.</p><p>"I will never tire of you."</p><p>"Good."</p><p>He smiled as she moved to leave winking at him before she left.</p><p>A few days later I was wiping my head with my sleeve of my overalls as I worked with Greg in the garage. He lifted a bent piece of metal looking at it before putting it into another bin. Catherine walked in with Grissom looking at the progress we were making.</p><p>"You guys really put in some time on this." She said</p><p>"The little pieces are the worst." Greg said</p><p>I stood walking over to them showing them a piece.</p><p>"Where did this come from?"</p><p>Catherine took it.</p><p>"It looks like a piece of the bomb."</p><p>I nodded taking it back. Grissom looked at me seeing that my face was dripping in sweat. I glanced at him then walked back over to where I was before. While Catherine went over to talk to Greg he walked over kneeling down to me.</p><p>"You okay?" He asked</p><p>"Yeah." I said, wiping my head again as I looked down.</p><p>"Why are you sweating so much?"</p><p>"It's hot in here." I said</p><p>He looked around.</p><p>"No it's not."</p><p>"Grissom, coming?" Catherine asked</p><p>"Yeah." He said, standing looking at me before leaving. I sighed shaking my head working again. He saw me again in the break room later holding my head as I sat on the couch. He walked in slowly holding a file coming over to me. I jumped as he touched my shoulder. His brows furrowed as he sat down in front of me on the coffee table setting his file down he sighed.</p><p>"What's wrong?" I asked, searching his eyes.</p><p>"At the moment you."</p><p>"What?"</p><p>"You're not well are you?"</p><p>"I'm fine." I said</p><p>"Sara, you are sweating and pale."</p><p>"I've been working."</p><p>He stayed quiet observing me. I swallowed looking at him then down.</p><p>"Do you have a headache?"</p><p>"A small one."</p><p>"I think it is a big one as you are frowning."</p><p>I sighed looking at him.</p><p>"You might be catching that bug that has been going around."</p><p>I looked at my watch then I looked at him.</p><p>"I have to go." I said</p><p>He watched me stand taking my arm making me cry out. I winched as he would not let go.</p><p>"Have you been taking care of this?"</p><p>"I….did." I said</p><p>He looked at me then he started to unwrap it. I winched as he pulled the last layer off and saw a very red stitched area. He looked at me in silence as I swallowed.</p><p>"It's infected."</p><p>I trembled as he stood inches from me. I looked down at my wrist seeing some pus in between the stitches.</p><p>"You need to go to the hospital."</p><p>"I will." I said</p><p>"Now." He said</p><p>"I will!" I said, moving away from him. He watched me leave quickly holding my wrist against my body. I went to my car after work feeling chills and feverish. Grissom walked over seeing me struggling to get my keys in the car. He knew by the look of me I hadn't gone to the hospital.</p><p>"You're going now!" He said, picking me up taking me to his car. He put me into the passenger side then got into the driver's side looking at me shivering next to him. He turned on the heat driving to the hospital. I woke up moving my head seeing a blurred figure standing over me. Another person was messing with my arm and I cried out as pain radiated through my body.</p><p>I woke up again in the same bed although my vision had cleared, I still felt feverish. I moaned moving my head looking down at my white bandaged hand. The door opened as a doctor came in walking over to look at me. He put a hand on my head then he took my pulse.</p><p>"You are very lucky that your husband brought you in." He said</p><p>"Husband?" I asked</p><p>"Yes, he brought you in. I managed to stop the infection and with some medication it should be all right in a couple days, but you must take better care of that wrist or else we will see you again."</p><p>"I will."</p><p>"Good. Your husband wants to see you."</p><p>"Okay." I said</p><p>He walked out and Grissom came in walking over.</p><p>"Husband?" I asked</p><p>"Well I am not your emergency contact anymore. Little lie." He said</p><p>I sighed watching him look down at my arm then at me.</p><p>"Are you going to gloat?" I asked</p><p>"No, why should I?"</p><p>"You have every right to."</p><p>"I know and someday I will."</p><p>I reached over touching his hand.</p><p>"I'm sorry."</p><p>"For not listening to me? I am used to that."</p><p>"No, I mean…about everything I did to you. I am sorry." I said</p><p>He searched my eyes slowly moving his hand from underneath mine to place it on top.</p><p>"It's okay."</p><p>"That's it….you're not going to yell?"</p><p>"No."</p><p>"Grissom, I tore your heart out. Just yell at me!"</p><p>"No, Sara, you did hurt me, but I realized that you needed air."</p><p>I sighed looking at him. He rubbed my fingers looking down at them. When he looked at me I saw something that surprised me. He gave me the look I recognized so many times before. The look of love, it was in that moment I knew he still felt something for me.</p><p>His wedding day approached quickly and with it came my curiosity over the look. I walked into his office one day not seeing him. I turned to leave as he came in with papers in his arms.</p><p>"Sara, what did you need?" He asked</p><p>"Um….well I wanted to ask you how the wedding plans are going."</p><p>"Good." He said, knowing that was not the real reason I came in to see him.</p><p>"Great." I said, hesitating.</p><p>"What's up?" He asked, as he leaned against his desk.</p><p>I looked back behind me then at him.</p><p>"You're acting mysterious and nervous."</p><p>I reached over closing the door then I looked at him.</p><p>"I came here to….ask….um."</p><p>"What?"</p><p>I looked down closing my eyes trembling.</p><p>"Before I,….oh never mind." I said, walking over to him placing my lips on his. He quickly pushed me back as I looked at him.</p><p>"Have you lost your mind?" He asked</p><p>I looked at his lips then at his eyes.</p><p>"I….no."</p><p>"Sara, I am getting married soon."</p><p>"I know."</p><p>"If you knew then why are you doing this?"</p><p>"Because you gave me the look!"</p><p>"The look?" He asked</p><p>"Yes, that look you used to give me." I said</p><p>He sighed letting me go looking down.</p><p>"Sara, I do care for you, but trust me there is nothing but friendship."</p><p>I sniffed shaking my head as he looked at me.</p><p>"Well I guess I am an idiot then."</p><p>"No your not."</p><p>"Please don't be comforting right now." I said, backing away.</p><p>He watched me wipe a tear from my cheek. He walked over pulling me against him. I smoothed my cheek against his coat.</p><p>"You okay?" He asked</p><p>"Yes." I said, moving away from him. I looked at him as he looked at me. His face became serious as he stared into my eyes. I noticed his face moving forwards slowly towards mine and before I knew it we were kissing. For a moment I let it sink in then I moved my arms around him as he moved his around me. Our lips smacked against each other and nothing mattered. He pulled me backwards to the couch laying me down as he turned the lamp off beside it laying on top of me. His lips were on mine again as his hands explored my body.</p><p>Our breathing became more heated as I felt him undoing my clothes then he undid his. His hot breath hit my neck making me moan. He began move against my body groaning every once in a while as I closed my eyes bursting as I felt whole again. His body was warm and strong. I knew with every strong intentional movement he loved me and we would most certainly be together.</p><p>He woke later hearing people walking around outside. Checking his watch he laid back beside me breathing in the smell of my hair as I slept beside him. I moved when he kissed my head burying myself into his chest. He nuzzled my hair sighing.</p><p>"We should go home."</p><p>"Where is home?" I said, lethargic from what happened.</p><p>"I mean your home and my home." He said</p><p>"I want to be in your home."</p><p>He touched my hair as I moved my head back looking at him.</p><p>"You know we can't have one home."</p><p>I moved sitting up feeling the magic die all around me.</p><p>"Are you saying that….this was just a bachelor party and I was the hooker?"</p><p>"Sara, I would never say that." He said, sitting up touching my back. "I needed to feel you again. You make me happy as I said before and I miss you, but now I have you out of my system."</p><p>I turned looking at him.</p><p>"Out of your system? I really feel like a hooker now." I said, standing going to the door. He came over turning me around.</p><p>"Do you want me to tell you what you are?" He asked, putting his hands on both sides of my face. "How much you hurt me?"</p><p>"Grissom." I said</p><p>"When you walked out and I could not get hold of you that hurt, but what broke my heart was your sending me divorce papers. I felt betrayed and I spent a lot of time thinking over what I did."</p><p>"I am sorry."</p><p>"That doesn't bring me closure, Sara. What we just did that was closure. I needed to do that."</p><p>He let me go walking to his desk turning on a light standing with his back to me. I looked at him walking over slowly standing still.</p><p>"I didn't answer the phone because I was in a very dark place. Half the time I was in a closet having a panic attack staring at the phone on the floor telling myself I have to answer it. Then I thought….you should be free of me because I was such a mess and you deserved to be happy not with a mess up like me."</p><p>He turned looking at me.</p><p>"I selfishly acted out because you were the best thing that ever happened to me and you should be with someone that would make you happy. When I came back I saw you had. Then at the hospital I saw that look that you used to give me and it made me think you loved me again. I know I hurt you. I could see it in your face when I saw you the first time. I am the one that messed it up and I hope sometime you will forgive me."</p><p>He stepped closer as I looked at him. His hand went to my cheek smoothing my skin. He watched a single tear land on his hand just when his cell phone went off. I blinked looking down as he grabbed it putting phone to his ear.</p><p>"Grissom."</p><p>I watched him look down listening.</p><p>"Sorry honey, I am still at work."</p><p>I took that opportunity to leave escaping silently into the hallway walking to the parking lot getting into my car sitting breathing fast. I don't know how I got home after that. I went inside closing the door sliding down to the floor touching my lips as I went over what happened. Closing my eyes I smelled his scent all over me. Every sight and sound overpowered me. Then I remembered I was alone again. It was over.</p><p>Grissom laid in bed holding Sophia against him as he thought about what happened. He went over my soft skin and the way I moved under him. The woman next to him moved as he blinked feeling her still against him once more. He sighed knowing he was in trouble because at that moment in time he wanted more.</p><p>Sophia woke alone in bed getting up she walked into the living room seeing him sitting alone on the couch in his work clothes patting the spot next to him. She smiled sitting down beside him as he took her hand.</p><p>"What's troubling you?" She asked, resting her chin on his shoulder.</p><p>"That's what I need to talk to you about."</p><p>"What's wrong?"</p><p>He looked at her then down at their hands.</p><p>"I think we should not get married."</p><p>She withdrew her hand from his sitting up looking at him.</p><p>"Why?"</p><p>"Honey, I do love you, but there are things I must work out by myself."</p><p>"You just have cold feet." She said, as she moved back against him.</p><p>"No, it's not cold feet. I just need some time to think."</p><p>"Is this about Sara?"</p><p>He looked at her.</p><p>"It's about many things part of it being her."</p><p>"I knew it." She said, standing pacing.</p><p>"What did you know?"</p><p>"Do you remember that I said her working near you would be to distracting?"</p><p>He stood grabbing her by the waist pulling her against him.</p><p>"Sophia, I want to marry you." He said, touching her hair. "You are the distraction not her."</p><p>"Then…let's not cancel the wedding. We could just postpone it."</p><p>"Okay."</p><p>She hugged him as he looked at the wall in front of him.</p><p>I quietly worked by myself in the lab as Grissom knocked leaning against the doorway looking at me.</p><p>"Hey." He said</p><p>"Hey." I said, flatly.</p><p>"You okay?"</p><p>"Fine." I said, looking at him.</p><p>"Um…I came to tell you that I forgive you."</p><p>"Good." I said, watching him nod as he looked at what I was working on.</p><p>"What are you working on?" He asked, coming over to the table.</p><p>"I was seeing if I get a print off this knife." I said</p><p>He looked down at it. I looked at him as he let his eyes wonder over the blade seeing dried blood on it. He looked at me searching my face.</p><p>"Well I will let you get to it." He said, reaching over touching my arm sliding it gently down before leaving. I watched him walk out feeling as if he were testing me.</p><p>When I walked down to interrogation getting ready to talk to a man about his crime at the scene. I jumped when a door opened to my left and I was pulled into a dark interrogation room by Grissom. Before I could ask him what he was doing his lips were on mine. I moaned feeling my body sag against his as he kissed me deeply. My arms clung to him as he pushed me to him. I was floating as he tilted his head kissing me firmly without hesitance. I moved back feeling my lips swell as I breathed in and out fast. He looked at me licking his lips.</p><p>"What…are you thinking…about?" He asked</p><p>"I think…we….both know." I said</p><p>"Tell me." He whispered</p><p>"I'm…late."</p><p>"Tell me." He said</p><p>"I want you." I said</p><p>He moved kissing my neck as I gasped closing my eyes.</p><p>"I…have to go." I said</p><p>He moved back sighing nodding. I quickly got out leaving him to recover. The entire interrogation I kept getting distracted. After it was done I took a breather outside before going to Grissom's office seeing Sophia and he kissing.</p><p>"Oh, I'm sorry." I said</p><p>Sophia let him go as they both looked over at me.</p><p>"That's okay I was just leaving." She said, walking past.</p><p>"I'll meet you there." He said, and then he looked at me. "What can I do for you?"</p><p>"I think we should…talk when you are not busy."</p><p>"I'm not busy."</p><p>"You're going somewhere."</p><p>"She has to go home and change. We have time."</p><p>"Okay, about earlier." I said, watching him walk over shutting the door facing me.</p><p>"What about it?"</p><p>"What does it mean? This is very complicated because you are still marrying Sophia."</p><p>"Actually I delayed that to think about things."</p><p>I stared at him in surprise.</p><p>"Why?"</p><p>"Well I am working through some things."</p><p>"Oh, like me?"</p><p>"And other things."</p><p>"I see." I said, sitting down on the couch.</p><p>"Sara, I can tell you that I am having conflicting feelings about this." He said, motioning between us. "Since the other night I have not been able to shake this I want more issue."</p><p>"I know."</p><p>He sighed moving to sit beside me.</p><p>"I think the best thing would be is to just carry on as we have been, but you go one direction and I go the other."</p><p>"I guess that is the best decision." I said, looking at him.</p><p>"You okay?"</p><p>"Yeah."</p><p>He got up going to the door opening it as I stood walking over.</p><p>"I feel better." He said</p><p>"Me to."</p><p>I walked out as he closed the door behind me. Grissom leaned against the door fighting to go after me. He opened his door and I was still standing there. He stared at me silently as I did.</p><p>"Bye." I said, leaving feeling silly for just standing there.</p><p>I worked nonstop for weeks burying myself into work. Catherine walked into the break room seeing me sleeping with my egg salad sandwich beside me resting on a napkin. She shook her head walking over touching my back. I moved sitting back seeing her.</p><p>"Why don't you go home and rest?"</p><p>"I still have to process the evidence." I said, rubbing my head as I yawned.</p><p>"Look I know you're the best already. You don't have to show me this way."</p><p>"I will go home in an hour."</p><p>"Okay." She said, leaving.</p><p>I yawned again picking up my sandwich eating slowly. Sophia came into the locker room seeing me lying on one of the benches. She looked at me as she walked over trying to decide to wake me or not. Grissom came in seeing her and I.</p><p>"It's really sad the way she works this much and falls over with exhaustion." She said</p><p>He walked over looking at me then touched her arm.</p><p>"I will talk to her, you go on home." He said, kissing her head.</p><p>"You sure?"</p><p>" Yeah."</p><p>She squeezed his side before walking past him. He watched her leave then he leaned over me shaking my arm. I moved seeing him. I sat up yawning looking around.</p><p>"Sara, you should go home." He said, gently.</p><p>"I will." I said, rubbing my head.</p><p>He watched me get up opening my locker. I shut it looking back at Grissom seeing he was moving up against me. I would have backed up, but I was up against the locker door.</p><p>"I can take you home."</p><p>"That's okay. I can drive." I said</p><p>I felt his breath on my face and I wanted to move my head forwards. I closed my eyes trying to control my thoughts. When I opened them Grissom was watching me. He searched my eyes then his eyes moved to my lips. He moved his head forwards towards mine and then the door opened as Greg came in. Grissom moved back as Greg stopped looking at us in shock.</p><p>"Uh….I will see you tomorrow." Grissom said, before leaving quickly.</p><p>I watched him leave seeing Greg looking at me smiling.</p><p>A few weeks later I avoided Grissom trying to give him space so he could be with Sophia. Then one night I had an accident when my car skidded into a tree because of rain. I woke not knowing what time it was. My head pounded as I got out winching as rain pelted me. Closing my car door I leaned against it holding my head feeling blood trickle down my neck from the wound on my head. I opened my eyes looking around seeing nothing around me. I opened the door getting my cell phone out looking up at the tree I hit seeing it was leaning over my position looking like it was going to fall. I called Catherine getting no answer then after debating I called Grissom.</p><p>He walked in the hallway with Greg when his cell phone went off.</p><p>"Grissom."</p><p>"Grissom, its Sara…..I hit a tree."</p><p>Grissom froze as Greg watched him seeing concern come over the older man's face.</p><p>"Are you all right?"</p><p>"No…I hit my head….I feel dizzy."</p><p>"Okay, where are you?"</p><p>I looked around hearing something happening behind me. Grissom heard me scream then nothing.</p><p>"Sara!" He called</p><p>Greg watched him sigh looking at his phone in his hand.</p><p>"What's happened?" Greg asked</p><p>"Sara's been in an accident. I need to track her phone position." He said, clicking on some buttons. "Got it, go tell Catherine and tell her I will call her with news later."</p><p>"You got it." He said</p><p>Grissom got his keys running to his car driving off in the direction I was at. I laid on the ground moving seeing my cell phone lying next to me. I moved seeing that the tree was lying against my car hood and not on me. Laying my head back down I sighed feeling the rain saturate my clothes. A car skidded to a stop as the headlights illuminated me. The car door closed and I saw shoes with legs running over to me.</p><p>"Sara!" Grissom called</p><p>He helped me to sit up looking at the tree against the car. He touched my cheek helping me up taking me to his car. I shook inside as he turned up the heat.</p><p>"You're going into shock." He said "The hospital is close by."</p><p>I watched him turn the wheel and drive off fast glancing at me. He got his cell phone out dialing as I closed my eyes feeling the blackness swallow me up. Grissom carried me inside the emergency room seeing several nurses run over pulling a stretcher with them. Grissom placed me onto it watching them take me away. He took a breath standing still watching the doors close.</p><p>I woke up knowing that my head was bandaged and my hand. I was in a room alone until a doctor came in telling me that I was going to be all right and that I needed to rest for a while. Going home I went straight to bed going to sleep immediately. Someone kissed my nose later making me move opening my eyes seeing Grissom in the dim light of the room sitting on the bed.</p><p>"Grissom?"</p><p>"You left your door open."</p><p>"I did?"</p><p>"Yes, how are you feeling?" He asked</p><p>"Sore."</p><p>"Well I came to tell you that the Tahoe you were driving will be able to be fixed." He said "The tree was the only casualty."</p><p>He turned on the lamp beside my bed as we heard thunder in the distance.</p><p>"Catherine was trying to call you and to say that you are on medical leave for a week."</p><p>"I knew I would be."</p><p>"I told her I was coming to see you."</p><p>His hand went down my cheek. I watched him feeling his fingers caress my skin.</p><p>"Something is wrong?"</p><p>He let his hand move back to his lap as he nodded.</p><p>"I broke it off with Sophia."</p><p>I sat up which was a mistake as I closed my eyes touching my head.</p><p>"Sara, you okay?"</p><p>"Yeah, I just moved to quickly." I said, letting him move pillows up behind me so I could sit back. "You love her."</p><p>"No, I don't. It's not fair to string someone along."</p><p>My heart started to beat faster as he looked at me.</p><p>"She and I both decided that this was best."</p><p>I watched him move closer touching my face with his finger tracing down to my lips going over them lightly. I closed my eyes as he leaned down kissing me moving back looking at me.</p><p>"Sara?"</p><p>"Mmmm?" I said, barely awake as I laid back on the pillows. He smiled a little touching my hand before standing going out of the room. I worried he was making the wrong choice. I wanted him to be happy, but a part of me wanted him to myself.</p><p>He came over on that Friday cooked a wonderful meal and sat down on the couch to watch a movie with me. I looked at him having seen the movie about two hundred times watching him seemed more entertaining. He smiled at a funny part then looked at me. He moved over kissing me gently. I had enough of gentle as I grabbed his shirt pulling him to me as I laid down against the couch. He could hardly keep up with me as I took it up a notch. I could feel him hesitating as I moved back breathing fast. He sat up looking down at me.</p><p>"Sara….I need to ask you something?"</p><p>I sat up looking at him.</p><p>"What's….wrong?"</p><p>He watched me move over to him kissing his neck, but he made me move back.</p><p>"Answer me honestly….are we moving into a new relationship or is this just going to stay the way it is? I want more, Sara."</p><p>I sat back looking down.</p><p>"I want to be with you, not like this. If you say you want a relationship then I have some rules."</p><p>I looked at him then I moved up kissing him. He moved back opening his eyes looking at me.</p><p>"I just want you back." I said "I want to feel your arms around me in bed all the time."</p><p>He nodded putting his hands on my cheeks.</p><p>"Then rule number one; we discuss problems no matter how small or big."</p><p>"Okay." I said</p><p>"Rule number two; we never mention the word divorce."</p><p>I nodded starting to unbutton his shirt.</p><p>"Number three; we both love one another and never doubt that we don't."</p><p>"I can do that."</p><p>He kissed me moving me back against the cushions.</p><p>"I suppose I only have one more question?" He said, between kisses.</p><p>"What would that be?" I asked</p><p>"What kind of a ring do you want this time?"</p><p>I giggled pulling him to me.</p>
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